*This review was written by a training member of Xes Therapy*

I am writing this review to check for my initial intention. 

The early stage : 

I was filled with self-blame, pain, despair, rage, and then, I begged and then, quarreled. I couldn't contain my rage  and displayed rage toward my wife and children.  

I tried to find out what my wife did and solve practical problems without being able to think right. 

I suffered from extreme stress and I felt that something was wrong with my physical condition. I didn't know that it was panic disorder and I had a psychological disorder. 

I only tried to have my wife change. The more counseling sessions I had for individual counseling or couple counseling, I felt worse and worse. I thought that the counselor was acting like a judge instead of a mediator. 

The beginning of the treatment : 

I learned that counseling didn't help and I didn't know what to do. I learned about this program through Youtube, and decided to take it and just started. I thought I was betting quite big for my life. I thought that I could stop my suffering at least by starting this program. I wanted to become normal and happy again. I wanted to get out of this living hell. 

1 year into the program : 

I had difficult time because i couldn't focus very well. I, who don't even like reading, drew lines on the textbook. My emotions went on a roller coaster, but I gradually learned about the Theory of Mimind. I wanted my wife to learn about, so we participated in the Therapy Tour. Of course, we still had fights during the tour. 

I repeated the whole course in the second year. I talked to myself, and wrote on the board for myself. My new habits repeated coming and going. It was a new world to me and I felt myself changing little by little. I began to feel comfortable and could see how others were doing. It was like I had been blind and began to see things. My emotions were stabilized and I could smile sometimes. This was something I couldn't even imagine at first. I was still a mess, but I desperately wanted to recover. 

It is too bad that off-line seminars stopped due to the pandemic situation. I wanted to take my wife to the seminar.

2 years into the program : 

I seem to have lost my initial intention. I seem to have lost my will power. I have spent my money and time for this program. Now, I am not doing much for my recovery. The clock is ticking, but I am just staying at the same place. 

Should't I recover at all costs and have to reach my wife? I can't just live and die as a caterpillar. Where is my yearning to become a butterfly and share my happiness with my wife?

I can do it. Just keep your initial intention. It sure is difficult. I can't just do nothing like this. I must get out of the cave. I must practice and overcome. 

I have lived a regrettable life before. I should not live a life I will regret anymore.  

I will never give up, never. I can become a happy person again and protect my family. 

I hope that I will be in the third stage of new habits at least. I will not stay in comfort and I will focus again.

21.8.6일 금요일